What Makes a Good Surrogate?
Once you start considering the possibility of becoming a surrogate, one of the first questions that probably pops into your mind is, “Would I even make a good surrogate?”
Every potential surrogate is unique and “good” in their own way. They are willing to help another family’s biggest wish come true: having a child of their own! However, there are a handful of things that every good surrogate does have in common.
At the very basic level, a surrogate must have a kind heart, good health, excellent communication skills, and a solid support system. Below, we dig deeper into the top ten essential qualities and qualifications that make a really great surrogate. That way, you can assess for yourself if you’re ready to take the next step in your journey to become a surrogate!
Key Qualifications and Traits Of a Surrogate
1. Healthy Lifestyle
The goal of surrogacy is for another family to hold their precious, healthy baby in their arms by the end of the journey—but the health of the baby is not the only focus. A surrogate’s well-being must always be top of mind, too. Health is one of the most important surrogate qualifications. Doctors and surrogacy agencies will look for:
- A history of healthy, full-term pregnancies with no complications.
- A BMI (Body Mass Index) within 18-32 to minimize risks during an assisted reproductive pregnancy.
- Non-smoker, non-drinker, and free from drug use.
- Up-to-date on all required vaccinations (and/or showing immunity to highly contagious diseases like chicken pox)
When starting the surrogacy journey, a surrogate will undergo medical evaluations and screenings to ensure she can carry a surrogacy pregnancy healthily. This includes getting clearance from her OB or midwife and undergoing further assessments at a fertility clinic.
2. Emotional Readiness
Carrying a child for someone else is a massive testament to your kind heart and character. Still, surrogacy can also be a profoundly emotional experience in ways you might not expect. If you’re not in the right mindset before starting your journey, it can alter the experience for everyone involved. A good surrogate should:
- Demonstrate maturity to understand the surrogacy process and who the rightful parents of the baby are.
- Understand how a surrogacy journey could alter her day-to-day life and be willing to adapt.
- Show examples of healthy postpartum mental health after previous pregnancies. (Some mild cases of postpartum depression or anxiety can be okay. Our team will just want to understand your situation before moving forward).
A surrogate and her partner (if applicable) will undergo a psychological screening with a professional during the screening process. This will help assess the surrogate’s (and her family’s) emotional and mental readiness for the journey.
Note: Our surrogates through our Surrogacy Is agency are entailed to mental health sessions with a licensed therapist throughout their journey if needed. This ensures their mental health is prioritized, providing a space to discuss any feelings that arise.
3. Stable Lifestyle
The outcome of a surrogacy journey isn’t guaranteed, so a surrogate mustn’t be dependent on future surrogacy compensation to live. All reputable surrogacy agencies will want a surrogate to have a stable personal and financial life. This helps eliminate stress and allows a surrogate to focus on the pregnancy fully. A surrogate needs to have:
- A steady living environment., including reliable residence and transportation for appointments
- A household where everyone over 18 can pass a background check
- No impending divorces or court cases
- Financial independence without reliance on government assistance programs
4. Solid Support System
- Childcare: For medical screenings and ongoing appointments.
- Household Chores: Taking over daily tasks to allow the surrogate extra rest.
- Encouragement: Providing moral support during challenging moments, like administering IVF shots or labor.
5. Commitment to the Process
Good surrogates are not wishy-washy about wanting to do a journey. Surrogates must be fully committed to the process before starting a journey because their agency and future intended parents invest a lot of time and money. They rely so much on them. The timing of every surrogacy journey can be different, so surrogates should be prepared for a long-term commitment. Surrogates will need to agree to:
- Timely Medical Appointments: This includes appointments needed during the screening stage, monitoring appointments, and prenatal checkups when timing is so important.
- Respecting Response Times: There are important steps for a surrogate to complete in every stage, and it’s pertinent for her to be mindful of everyone’s time. For example, if she’s in the legal stage and the lawyers have a new draft for her to review, it shouldn’t take two weeks for her to open it for the first time.
- A Willingness to Give the Journey Its Best Shot: A journey might have hurdles, but a good surrogate should still want to work towards the goal. This means if a surrogate has a hard time with her IVF shots, she doesn’t just change her mind and decide she doesn’t want to continue with the journey.
6. Excellent Communication Skills
- Provide updates and be willing to elaborate on details (instead of giving short one-word responses)
- Be sensitive to what the intended parents may have gone through, and be conscious about things that may be emotional for them (i.e., getting bump photos, sharing pregnancy tests, etc).
- Be willing to respectfully discuss preferences, boundaries, and concerns at any stage.
7. Inspired By the Right Motivations
Most surrogates say they felt drawn to becoming a surrogate because they wanted to help a family experience the same love and joy that they feel in their own family. In addition, many surrogates recognize that surrogacy is an opportunity for them not only to help someone else but also a way to level up their own family’s finances.
There is nothing wrong with being a surrogate for the compensation. Both reasons are valid and extraordinary. As long as a surrogate has a combination of these reasons behind her motivations, she will be a good surrogate.
Women looking to become surrogates to make “quick and easy” money will not be great candidates. They will be thoroughly disappointed and won’t likely have the heart to make it through the process. It’s almost impossible to go through all the appointments, the IVF process, the uncomfortableness of pregnancy, and later birth if there isn’t a personal and emotional draw to surrogacy.
8. Contentment With Their Family Size
9. Open-Mindedness
While not a requirement, it is a major perk if a surrogate is open-minded about some aspects of the journey. If a surrogate approaches a journey with a rigid checklist of expectations, she could miss out on an incredible experience because it looks different from what she imagined. A good surrogate should consider keeping an open mind about:
- The type of family she wants to help
- The amount of time her journey could potentially take
- Different communication styles
- Why some things might be important to the intended parents
10. Excited to Learn About the Process
Good surrogates are enthusiastic about learning more about the surrogacy process. They develop a passion for the experience and are eager to digest information that will help them feel confident that they are doing everything possible to have a successful journey. The more informed a surrogate is, the more empowered she feels throughout her journey.
Note: All our Surrogacy Is surrogates will gain access to our exclusive online course, The Ultimate Surrogacy Guide©. This isn’t a homework assignment; it’s a free digital resource where surrogates can learn about surrogacy basics or get stage-specific information and tips. With over 130 lessons, it will become your personal surrogacy playbook.”
Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Surrogate?
Now that you know the top ten characteristics and qualifications for becoming a surrogate, are you ready to connect with our team?
We know choosing to become a surrogate is a life-changing decision that requires careful consideration and preparation. A good surrogate embodies a balance of physical health, emotional readiness, and genuine compassion for helping others.
If you’re interested in taking the next steps, start by taking our short qualifying quiz today. Afterward, someone from our Surrogacy Advisor team will reach out to schedule a time to chat so they can answer all your questions and help you with the next exciting steps.
