Quick Episode Overview & Key Topics Discussed:
- The Power of Sharing Surrogacy Stories
- Helpful Surrogacy Resources
- Send a Friend Program: Support for Surrogates After Delivery
- A Surrogate’s Emotions After Delivery
- The Importance of Effective Communication in Surrogacy Journeys
- How IPs and Surrogates Benefit from More Support & Education
- Cultivating a Supportive and Loving Surrogacy Community
- How a Passion for Surrogacy Can Morph Into Beautiful Projects (And how to find time for them!)
- Reacting to Mean Tweets (You say it causes trauma? Show us the studies; that’s right, there aren’t any!)
On this episode of Surrogacy Is a Podcast, Sunshine and Casey talk to Kiely Shimabukuro, an amazing four-time surrogate and founder of That Surrogate Life, a non-profit organization that spreads awareness about surrogacy while also providing insights and journey resources.
Kiely, now a retired surrogate, has a wealth of surrogacy knowledge. Her journeys have all been very diverse. She’s carried for a same-sex couple and a couple who ended up being pregnant at the same time as her journey. She’s carrying singletons, and she’s carried twins. And she’s had an independent journey and agency-supported journeys.
Surrogacy Resources
While going through her first journey, Kiely started documenting everything she was learning throughout the process and started blogging and making TikTok videos, which gained a pretty impressive following. This sparked her interest in creating resources to help surrogates everywhere. She went on to write three books (and a journal for intended parents), launched a surro-swag shop, and, on top of that, she hosts an online surrogate support group through RESOLVE.org and created the “Send a Friend” program. (She is so badass, right?!)
Her Send a Friend program is a free group that surrogates (new and experienced) can join. The goal is to grow a surrogate community that will support one another postpartum. As an experienced surrogate, you can sign up and say you’re willing to visit a surrogate at the hospital in your area to listen and warmly offer a hug as she goes through this hormonally charged recovery period.
The hospital stay for surrogates can be such an emotional experience. During the podcast, Sunshine, Casey, and Kiely shared how they felt after their delivery. It’s such a unique situation.
But the beautiful thing is that someone knows exactly how that feels.
Now Send a Friend has over 100 surrogate volunteers and almost a volunteer in every state… and the directory keeps growing!
There is always a need for heartfelt resources and support for surrogates in the community; those of us who have experienced the surrogacy Facebook groups out there know that it can feel like exploring the Wild West. Sometimes, the most straightforward question can unleash the angry mobs, and that can cause a surrogate to retreat and question who she can trust to turn to. Building safe spaces like private Facebook groups and online support calls aims to give those surrogates looking to connect and learn from other surrogates a place to uplift one another.
Intended Parents Resources
Now Surrogacy Is hopes to build supportive resources for intended parents, too, who may feel as equally in the dark about the process as some new surrogates say they feel. Intended parents need something to help explore that space, too, and when you break it all down, having more resources for everyone is a good thing. It bridges that communication and relationship between both sides because while they are on the same journey, they can experience different emotions and mindsets, and both sides need to understand a little bit more about where everyone is coming from.
That’s why Kiely says the biggest takeaway from her surrogacy journeys is how critical communication is between surrogates and intended parents. The best thing either side can do is set clear expectations as early as possible. As a surrogate, you should try your best to articulate what’s going through your head. If you hope to nurture a really cool and open friendship throughout the journey and you hope for updates about the baby after they’re born…say it. The words don’t have to be super pretty; you just have to get them out. But it’s also essential to have empathy, understand what’s fully expected of you, and respect your intended parents’ story.
Uplifting Surrogacy Communities
The surrogacy community is growing, and with Surrogacy Is and surrogates like Kiely, who are committed to making it a more beautiful and supportive place, it allows not only women who are considering becoming a surrogate but also intended parents who are researching surrogacy for the first time, feel more comfortable exploring the process. It will enable everyone to find the tools and resources they need to feel more informed and empowered in their decisions… and that is a beautiful thing, and we’re happy to support it.
If you’d like to learn more about (or join) Kiely’s support group or Send a Friend program, please use the links below:
RESOLVE GC Support Group: Meets the 1st Thursday of every month:
https://resolve.org/support-groups/that-surrogate-life-for-gestational-carriers-only/
Send a Friend Program: https://thatsurrogatelife.com/send-a-friend
